Asperger's- Dating and RelationshipsAsperger's Syndrome. We both attend the same YSA ward and we have attended the same stake for over 20 years. I am looking for advice on how to understand Ted better and how to have a successful relationship. I asked for help on an LDS Asperger's site and they basically all said that it would be a mistake to get into a relationship with someone who has Aspergers. Like I said, we have been back together since Christmas but our relationship hasn't progressed to normal standards. Ted's Asperger's doesn't seem to effect him as much as other people who have Asperger's. Most people who have Asperger's are negetive and anti-social.
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I don't see any reason why this should restrict a relationship with someone. My brother has Autism and he's rather excitable at times and a complete. I've read somewhere that most young men with Asperger's never dated, and that the marriage rates in those with Asperger's Syndrome are very. I've noticed most males I know with Asperger's seem to have really bad luck with trying to find a girl. I've noticed that if they do date or marry, it.
Posts: 4. Why are Aspies so horrible with dating? Quote: Originally Posted by Doku I've noticed most males I know with Asperger's seem to have really bad luck with trying to find a girl. Quote: Originally Posted by Trimmer I don't mean this sarcastically, but how much more detailed can you get? Quote: Originally Posted by skydiveaddict I'm convinced that I have it.
Louis Posts: Originally Posted by stepka I disagree. Quote: Originally Posted by stepka I disagree. Quote: Originally Posted by Doku I think it's a common misconception that someone with Aspergers is incapable of love, at least, it depends on how they are raised.
Quote: Originally Posted by Green haha I'm convinced aspergers or whatever it is called doesn't really exist. Digg del. Similar Threads. A horrible horrible thing happened!!! Dating a guy who is horrible with finances. I did something really horrible. Help me out I'm horrible. LinkBack URL.
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Tweet this thread. Share on Facebook. They'll never amount to anything without his choosing you. And if he doesn't chose you, there's nothing you can do. Let's be very clear - you cannot force someone to fall in love. You can't force someone to want a relationship. You can't force Ted to walk this path you figure is the right path for both of you.
If he ever chooses to walk it, then hooray - both of you go dancing off hand in hand. But if he doesn't choose it, it's not about you persuading him or making him or forcing him. I realize that I don't know you nor do I know anything more about the situation than what you have presented.
Further, I am not privvy to your inspiration. But, from your description, I have a few pieces of advice. First, you say that you recognize that Ted needs more time and a "different pace then [sic] normal relationships"--yet, further, you say that your relationship hasn't progressed to "normal standards.
Relationships are hard and neither party can push the other faster than they are willing to go. There is an ebb and flow to relationships and if one person keeps pushing or keeps having expectations that exceed the other, then the relationship will falter. Second, because you received an impression to ask him to a dance or ask him out does not mean that you are supposed to marry him.
Now, before you jump on that, I am not saying you haven't had that impression, but what I am saying is that don't push it. A spiritual impression regarding a man is not an answer that he is "the one. Perhaps this dating relationship or friendship or whatever you call it is for both you and Ted for experience and growth. Further, if you did receive an answer that you should marry Ted, that is NOT a guarantee that he has or will receive the same answer.
I repeat, just because you got yes does not mean Ted will receive the same answer. Finally, I agree with Loudmouth--ask Ted what he wants from the relationship. Ask him these questions. As hard as that may be and trust me, I KNOW how hard it is to have that frank of a discussion with a guy you lovethe best thing to have with a boyfriend is a completely and utterly open communication. If you can't talk to him about everything not that you have to or will, but just that you are able tothen the relationship will not progress.
Ted knows himself better than any of us or even any expert. He knows if holding his hand is ok, he will know if he wants to continue dating you, he will know if it is a relationship that can end in marriage.
Take heart and ask him. Do not pressure him, do not express your feelings to an overwhelming degree. Simply tell him that you want to know where this is headed and how to proceed. I agree with Beefche here, just because you have had promptings that he is the one for you, doesn't mean that you are the one for him.
When I was in my late teen years right before leaving for college a boy that I knew prayed about me and got the answer that I was the one for him. I already knew that he was not the one for me. I ended up going to college and marrying a guy I met out there. So remember that both sides has to have the same answer before it really works out right. Good luck with it all, and take it slow. You say Ted is your boyfriend.
Does he call you his girlfriend? Maybe in his committment to the Gospel, he feels any physical contact causes him to feel things he shouldn't?
Of the people I know who have disorders on the Autism spectrum, they are the most committed to being obedient that I have ever seen. Maybe he has a hard time verbalizing how it made him feel when you tried to make things move faster?
Or it could be a sensory issue he has. If he is interested in marrying you, you will have a lot to clear up first.
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A woman in my ward married a man with Aspbergers and their relationship took years to develop. She also has to have different expectations with him than other men. She has to be blunt with him. If you're not good at being blunt, then you're going to have a tough time, especially when children come along.
I have a friend who used to go to church with me before the ward split and she has a son with Asperger's. I'll have her type something up for you.
Contact Asperger's Singles and Dating Forum on Messenger. Aspergers/ASD Dating & Friendship. ASperger's Family Forum - Autism Spectrum Family Forum. Finding that special someone can be difficult if you have Aspergers Syndrome or Autism. Use this forum to seek advice, ask questions and share experiences. I have Asperger's and it worries me sometimes that I'll never find someone who could tolerate being with me. My only real relationship lasted a year and he was.
Thank-you all for your advice!!!! I will take all of the advice and put it into the relationship. Most of them say their marriages are disasters and it takes them decades to finally really come to love their spouce. I have asked Ted out about 10 times mostly through text messaging or at church and he has always said yes so far. We are going out Saturday night to an LDS band compitition and a costume dance afterwards.
A few weeks ago, we went to a ward Sadies Hawkins dance where we dressed as a famous couple. We went as Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
We made the costumes ourselves and had a great time. We even won a trophy Ted kept it for Best Couple. I guess I am afraid to push him away like I did last time. I should get over my fear and just ask him. If me asking him is going to run him off, I guess he really doesn't want me.
Most of you posting are saying that your Aspergers is really mild, you can . I would say date a person with Aspergers, the way we look at life is.
I'll try to gather all my courage and ask him that when we go out together tomorrow night. Beefche: Yes, I do understand Ted needs a different pace.
What I meant by saying that he wasn't going at a normal pace is that many people who dont understand his needs tells me I should dump him because he isn't progressing like a normal relationship. I don't want to dump him just because he is not going at a normal pace like society thinks he should. I'm sorry for that confusion.
I didn't think about Ted not getting the same answers I have been getting for over 2 years. I guess I will talk to Ted tomorrow night when we are together and ask him what he feels. Thank-you for your encouragment. MorningStar: I have to agree with you on people on the Autism Spectrum are defiantly completly obedient at least it is that way for Ted.
I didn't think about my touch could make him feel disobedient. I will have to talk to him and ask what his feelings are on touch. I leared my mistake by pushing too much last year. Now that he has started to come back to me over the past 9 months, I have always let him make the moves. I haven't tried holding his hand at all or touch him. I have asked him out about 8 times in non-threatning ways and to non-threatning situations.
He has agreed to go out each time. I will work on my bluntness so it will be easier for us to both know what we expect.
PrinceOfLight That would be great if I could have contact with someone who understands Asperger's better then me. I would love to have help, advice and encouragement from her. I never been in a relationship because everyone has stopped talking to me I been friendless for 15 years, I have gain trust issues in those years.
I now got friends, 4 of them are brothers with each other, triplets and a there younger brother, their cousin has Austin, so they understand be better. A girl moved into my ward awhile ago, she's a step-sister to a girl who's in my Sunday school class O how I hate that classbut anyways, I like her and we talked some on facebook. But I really like this girl and it's hard for me, cuz of trust issues, maybe Ted has the same problem?
What I thought soooo often is "Why can't others see "us" people with AS like they see others, get to know us, don't run away, don't judge, don't give us rejection". When people get to know me, they always stop talking to me after months, so I'm very glad you can see Ted as another, not as "Different" and want to get to know him etc. I agree, it's utter tosh If you expect him to show emotion in the same way that the average man would, then it's not going to work out.
If you truly love this guy, that means you'll be willing to accept that some things that seem perfectly natural to most people, don't come naturally to him.
Of course people with AS are capable of learning what social behaviour is natural to most people and I would certainly expect him to put as much effort as possible into doing thisbut even then, it's a struggle for them to do it, as it just doesn't seem normal for them.
Sometimes they can seem arrogant or rude, but they genuinely don't realise this.
The best way for someone with AS to learn what comes naturally to everyone else is to explain to him after you've seen him acting like a typical aspie. But don't do it angrily, or get upset by it - if it was caused by AS, he didn't do it on purpose. However you should be blunt.
Dating with Asperger's. Love and friendship on the spectrum › Forums › Dating with Asperger's. This forum contains 52 topics and replies, and was last. dating someone with Asperger's Syndrome? . Perhaps this dating relationship or friendship or whatever you call it is for both you and Ted for. Do you think in the long term it can work? This isn't my relationship but someone who is important to me. Every person is different but with this.
Someone with AS has a limited ability to "read between the lines". They tend to take most of what is said to them literally. So just say it the way it is, but caringly rather than accusingly.
I suggest you talk to Ted about it. Let him know your feelings, but also that you respect him and want to go at a comfortable pace for him.
Ask his permission before you hold his hand, etc. With Aspergers, what is okay today may not be tomorrow. They are very sensitive towards outside stimulation sometimes I have friends and a couple grandkids with similar issues.
While you may enjoy cuddling, hand holding, etc. And that is where the struggles come from. Right now you are head over heels in love with him, but later in life when you wish for more intimacy or closeness, and he isn't able to give it to you, it may end up leaving you feeling frustrated and trapped in a one dimensional relationship.
This isn't always the case with people with Aspergers and related syndromes, but it is often the case. For some, it means never having children, or a satisfying sex life.Dating An Autistic - How To Have A Relationship With An Aspie (Part 1/4)
Or holding hands. You will have to talk to Ted to see where he thinks your relationship will end up. What is he willing to do for the relationship in the long run, and what are you willing to possibly give up for it, as well. It may be that there is a relationship there, but perhaps not the kind that leads to marriage. Imagine being married and you do something to upset him. Are you willing to have him ignore his spouse you for a year before he begins letting you in again?
That is a clear risk, which he has already demonstrated. It could likely happen again. NOW, as for the inspiration you felt that "this is the one", let me explain from years of Church leadership experience that often we receive inspired guidance, but misinterpret it.
I remember back in being ward clerk of a single's ward. The bishop confided in me that he had had 4 sisters come to him, each saying they had had a spiritual confirmation to marry the same young man. Obviously, the Lord was not telling them to enter into polygamy. Instead, as the bishop prayed over this, he received inspiration that the Lord was telling these girls that this was "A" right man for any of them to marry.
There is a big difference between "A" and "THE" right man. Make sure your inspirations are not being swayed by romantic anticipation on your part. We often read more into personal revelation than is actually there. I can't really give you any better advice than what has already been offered as far as the relationship itself goes, but I can offer some understanding about Aspergers. I read the book before I even knew there was a movie, and I kept having people ask me about the movie when they saw me with the book.
I think the reason it makes it so much easier to understand people with autism and Apsergers is because it was written by somebody with autism! It's an amazing book, so if you're into reading, you should definitely give it a go. I have a brother with Aspergers, and he considers me his "favorite person" because I seem to understand him so well. When it is difficult for him to understand something, or he is feeling emotional, I'm usually the one who gets through to him and helps him out.
I was never sure why it was so much easier for me to relate to him than anyone else until I read Temple Grandin's book. Throughout it, she describes a lot of things that are characteristic of people with autism, and I found that I am very similar to an autistic person.
I do not have enough in common to be considered autistic or to have Aspergers, but I am similar in many respects, and I believe those similarities are what help me understand my brother. I even made a list of those characteristics of autism described by Grandin and in clinical definitions of autism, then listed those characteristics about myself that I thought would help me determine whether or not I should get tested.
Here's the part of that list that I think might be helpful to you in trying to understand Ted better:. Can relate to animals due to similar thinking processes- pick up on animal cues easier than people cues.
Aspergers is basically high-functioning autism. Those with Aspergers fit most of the characteristic of autism, but are able to communicate better and generally function in the normal world without too much difficulty.